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You are stressed, anxious, depressed… and, of course, your sex life suffers. Here are the advice of the sexologist to find a serene and pleasant sexuality, despite this difficult context.

We thought that carelessness would return with the end of the health crisis: it is not so, since 95% of French people declared to be “stressed” or “anxious” in March 2022, according to an Ifop survey. for My Blessings.

On the same subject

All questions about orgasm to the sexologist

A quasi-chronic stress which obviously has repercussions on everyday life – on sleep, on food, but also… on sex life. Nothing could be more normal, according to Céline Vendé, sexologist and couple therapist: “it is first of all a story of chemistry: when we are stressed, the blood level of cortisol increases. However, the “stress hormone” inhibits other hormones favorable to sexual life and in particular testosterone, involved in the libido.

In short: when we feel stressed or anxious, we naturally have less desire to make love with our partner or to masturbate. “There is also a question of fatigue (one has less energy to devote to sexual activity), as well as a factor of emotional availability which is less (one is less available in one’s head for one’s partner or for oneself). even).“Same, of course, when it’s depression that undermines us…

Get back in touch (gently) with your body and your feelings

Attention !There is no question of forcing yourself! warns us immediately Céline Vendé. If you don’t feel like sex, that’s not a problem: you can very well go through a phase of abstinence (more or less long) if it doesn’t cause you any pain. “Having regular sexual activity” should not become an injunction. On the other hand, if you miss sex and you feel that it’s a question of stress or depression, it may be interesting to reconnect with it gently…

As a first step, the sex therapist and couple therapist recommends “reinvest your body in a sensory way, first alone then possibly with a partner“. Concretely? When you are alone, quiet and in a calm place, take the time to touch your body and (re)discover your erogenous zones: which movements / which parts of your body give you pleasure? This “sensory study “can also be done with a sex toy…

With a partner, learn about slow sex: a slow sexuality, especially not performative, without penetration, based on caresses” suggests Céline Vendé. A good way to put the body back at the center of the equation, which is too often left out when you suffer from anxiety, stress or depression…

Awaken (and feed) your sexual imagination

Offer an “erotic escape” to your brain, drowned in stress, depression and anxiety!” advises the sexologist and couple therapist. For this, there is no shortage of resources: “on the web, there are excellent erotic podcasts, but also erotic literature, erotic illustrations (on Instagram)… take the time to discover what makes you shiver, alone or with a partner.”

The objective: after having reconnected to his bodily sensations, it is a question of “rewiring” his brain towards sexuality. “You can also have fun building your erotic scenario: who are the characters? How do they feel? Where does the scene take place ?“An exciting game to possibly share with your dear and tender…

Set up erotic dates

When we need to relax, we usually make an appointment for a massage, for a facial treatment, for a session at the hairdresser… Why not schedule “sex appointments”? “? “The principle is to plan in advance a pleasure meeting with your partner or with yourself, explains Céline Vendé. The goal is to feel good and get a moment of relaxation and relaxation, not necessarily an orgasm.

The ideal frequency, according to the sexologist and couple therapist? Two “sex dates” per week, of at least 15-20 minutes please! “The state of relaxation and well-being that comes from masturbation is conducive to a drop in blood cortisol levels – the same, of course, for sex with a partner.“This is a good way to fight against stress, anxiety and depression… while having fun. A real virtuous circle.

Thanks to Céline Vendé, sexologist and couple therapist in Bordeaux.

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